Entering the store under the arch, she had a piece of green material wrapped around her head and neck. "How do I look" she says playfully while striking a pose, for the only two people in the store. Barefooted on a hot day, she galloped playfully around the unsorted boxes, making her long skirt twirl and her long brown hair sway with it. Quite like an effortless tinkle bell actually.
It was as if she was flying through the room, sprinkling her independent and free spirited energy, on a day that seemed to be frustrating for those around her. Brightening up their days, whilst she continued to figure out the purpose of this green material she found.
It's the next day. Today it's grey and gloomy. Not too hot, not to cold. "My favorite kind of weather", she announces to the shop. This space, being one of the only spaces she feels comfortable in. Other than her home but, it is not a place she considers a holistic representation of who she is. "I'm a fully blown metal head", she says while nodding her head up and down.
"I'm a hippie person as well" but, what she would prefer is some "metal T-shirts" hanging with the rest of the second hand clothing, dangling from the ceiling. She continues to say with a mouth filled with laughter, "the only thing that really represents me are the cigarettes."
Her favourite place in the store is behind the counter. She feels "hidden" and in her "own bubble". "I'm not a people person at all, I'm very anti-people. I can't really talk well, unless people talk to me." This became a reality in her behaviour towards her customers. Her eye contact became weaker and her friendliness became louder with the people she didn't know but, with the ones she did know. Some words in Afrikaans would slip out with ease, or she would even pull out the cigarettes she knew her customers wanted, before they reached her counter.
Being the commonly referred "Lady Under The Arch". Nadine expresses, "It's helped me a lot with being very insecure especially around men. It's extremely intimidating." This is why she loves working amongst the youth. "It makes it easier because you guys are younger, so it's not a way of dealing with people my age. It feels better for me to deal with."
Speaking in between customers ambling through the store. Some just looking and others, wanting something more specific. Moving in and amongst the authentic button displays, eating collections or simply looking for a snack . She begins to share fearlessly, her biggest suffering throughout her life.
"If I go out you won't see me chatting to strangers. If people come up to me, my walls are up and I'm unhappy. Because you're in my bubble. I don't like that. Especially when it comes to men, I do feel judged. If you just sit and look at them and how they look at woman. Then you wonder when you walk passed them, where they are going to look and what are they going to say about me."
Alongside her, and the shop's distinct smell of shoe polish mixed with cigarettes. She delves straight into how her laziness plays a role in her self hate, fashion sense and her tendency to overthink. Speaking against the idea that only the youth sufferer from body distortions, and issues with self esteem. Nadine intensively expresses how, "I always look down at my stomach and try and push it in, and when I walk I put my hands in my pockets just to feel how much my bum is shaking. I hate it when my bosom even lifts a little bit when I walk. Not that I do anything about it, I'm a lazy person. I'm always like 'I hate this and I hate that', I hate everything. But I do nothing about it. Theses are still my big insecurities".
Asking about her fashion sense, she looks down and caresses her hips. This almost seems like a tough question for her to answer. "There was a time where I only wore jeans, long shirts or big shirts. I have one tight dressie but I wear that as a petticoat underneath. Because when you're in the sun, it won't shine through." She says laughing. Not because it was funny but, because she was in disbelief of the extra mile she goes through everyday, just to hide her body from others and herself.
Extending more on what people would never assume about her, from the outside. She expresses how being painfully shy taught her, about what true beauty is all about. " It's a woman's personality and how she carries herself, is what I find beautiful. No matter how big she is or small she is. If she carries herself with confidence. There is nothing more beautiful than that."
Like the deceiving power of body negativity on ones self. Nadine's insecurities don't show according to the people around her. "She is one of the most easy going people I know. I've been working across from her for a while now and sometimes go ask her for change. Things are easy with her." Says Khanyisa. Alongside Sisa, a longtime friend who says with ease "It's the way she deals with people and her open heartedness to those around her that I find most interesting."
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